THE LIST by Siobhan Vivian

In almost all the women’s magazines that I read, we are told that the beauty that matters lies within us and not on the outside.
Behind closed doors, all of us (men and women) talk about the beauty or the ugliness of the people. No matter the age (of the people who speak or of the people that we are talking about).
But, when you are in high school (thus, at the vulnerable age at which every opinion about you matters), and you find yourself chosen, for four years in a row, as: “The ugly girl” it is a real tragedy.

“When Jennifer was put on the list her freshman year, she became an instant legend. No one, in the history of ugly girls, had reacted so unattractively. Jennifer had sunk to the floor in front of her locker and bawled unabashedly until her entire face was shellacked with a mixture of tears, snot and sweat.
Before Jennifer, the prettiest girls were the ones remembered and the ugliest girls faded into the shadows. But Jennifer bucked that trend. No one would forget her.”

“The morning of the sophomore -year list, Jennifer rode the bus completely aware of what day it was, but without a thought that she might make the list again.
This time, after she spotted her name, Jennifer remained in the school the entire day. She cried a little, alone in the bathroom, but she didn’t throw up or make a scene.”

“Junior year, when Jennifer saw her name on the list, she laughed. Not because it was particularly funny, but because it was so ridiculous.
She didn’t cry, not once.
But more intriguing were the random students who sought her out to personally apologize. They never said what they were sorry for, but Jennifer had a pretty good idea; no one should have to be the ugliest girl three years in a row.
Jennifer graciously accepted the supportive pats on the back. This, she noticed, made people relax around her. It eased their minds. The entire student body seemed to appreciate that Jennifer was taking this with grace. They were relieved that she wasn’t going to make this awkward for them, like she had back when she was a freshman.
The list, for better or for worse, did elevate her status at school. Practically everyone knew who Jennifer was, and that was more than the other ugly girls could say.”

“For her senior year, Jennifer pretends to be surprised.
She explodes into a jumping jack, legs spread, hands shooting straight up, holding the list for everyone to see.
A few kids grin. More clap, and when Jennifer curtsies, enough hands join to make it full-fledged applause.

At the end of the day, there is this fact: Jennifer has accomplished a feat no other girl has. She can’t help but feel special. It’s how that old saying goes. “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
She pulls her smile as wide as it can go, so no one will think for a second that she might not be enjoying this, fully embracing this gift.
She wants everyone to know. She’s come a long, long way.“

Kindle, 2016